


Ero-Sennin Style

by SkellingtonZero



Category: Naruto
Genre: Dirty Jokes, Funny, Humor, One Shot, Other, sexual suggestion
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-25
Updated: 2012-09-25
Packaged: 2017-11-15 00:27:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/521110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SkellingtonZero/pseuds/SkellingtonZero
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A day in the life of Jiraiya, the troubles he goes though all in the name of his books and research. Join him as he peeps on several women, cons some money out of his pupil, and on the whole gets his ass kicked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ero-Sennin Style

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Naruto belong to their respected owners. No copyright infringement intended.

It was a beautiful day; the sun was shining its warm rays, the sky was a bright and blue, and I was back in town. The perfect day to do some much needed research on the female population at the hot springs. 

I smiled down at the beautiful specimens of women bathing below me in the steamy hot springs. I giggled a little as one of them stretched lazily and placed a hot towel atop her eyes. She was gorgeous. I shifted slightly in the trees to get a better angle and laid my back against the trunk, enjoying the view.

“Ero-Sennin!” A male’s voice echoed in the distance.

Shit Naruto! I bit my knuckles in anticipation, hoping that the young brat would somehow go away if I stayed quiet enough. Maybe the ladies wouldn’t hear him.

“I know you’re here Ero-Sennin!” He shouted louder.

Yup. The beautiful women heard him.

“Ero…Jiraiya!” The breathtaking brunette stood up in the springs, clutching the bath towel wrapped around her bust. “You old perv!” She shrieked and blindly threw her bath bin up at the trees, destroying some leaves and branches in the process.

“Jiraiya’s here?!” Another woman yelled. I craned my neck down to see her run through the hot springs, splashing all the way with her long blonde hair whirling behind her.

Damnit Naruto. Damn you to hell.

“You old perv!” A fiery red head glared daggers up at the trees, vehemently searching for me. “We know you’re up there!”

“Ero-Sennin!” Naruto called again, wandering into the hot springs.

“See?!” The red head snared. “Naruto’s calling for you! Come down here and don’t keep the boy waiting!” She adjusted the towel modestly covering her and tapped her foot; the brunette and another red head standing behind her.

All the other wonderful beauties of Konaha had already left.

I looked down at Naruto and sighed.

That kid always gets me into trouble.

He had a blank look on his face as he stared up at the pissed off ladies in front of him. In seven years he has grown a lot; he was taller, more muscular, his jaw held a defiant look and his clothing fit better. But he still had a very naive way about him and I don’t think that it’ll ever change. Sorry kid, I guess you’re stuck with that look.

Anyways he just wasn’t catching on to the situation.

And I was not about to help him.

“Ero-Sennin’s not here?” I heard him ask, glancing around.

“What? Yes he is.” The brunette scowled at him.

Naruto took a sweeping glance at his surroundings then looked back at her.

“No he’s not.” He answered sternly.

“What?!” The red head turned her wrath on the poor kid. “Are you st-of course he’s here! You were just calling for him!”

“If he was he’d already left.” He drawled.

They gave him a dubious look as he strolled around the hot springs at a leisurely, fanning the steam away from his face as he unzipped his jacket.

“I kinda doubt he’d stick around with those pissed off faces of yours.”

Does that kid have a death wish?

You never. NEVER. Tell a woman that.

They looked at him pitifully then shook their heads and wandered off muttering:

“Poor Naruto…having a sensei like that….”

“Leaving him like that…”

“Naruto…you have a lot to learn about women.”

I should give the kid credit. I jumped out of the tree, watching the women leave as I strode up to the spiky blonde kid.

“Jiraiya you old perv…never will change will you?” He asked, an amused gleam in his sparkling blue eyes.

“Get it right kid; I was doing research.” I rolled my shoulders and smirked down at him.

“Sure sure.” He chuckled.

“And it was going just fine until you showed up.” A hint of annoyance seeped into my voice.

“Sure sure Dattebayo.” He waved me off as he began walking down the path into town.

_Ero-Sennin Style Ero-Sennin Style_

“Ero-Sennin… one day I just won’t be there to save your ancient ass and they’ll really beat you to death you know.” Naruto sniggered, stirring his ramen and slurping up a mouthful.

“I told you to stop calling me that.” I glanced around to see if anyone was listening. “You’re giving me a bad reputation.”

“Heh Ero-Sennin, you really think that the ‘female population’ here doesn’t know about you?” He gave me a sideways glance as he sipped his tea.

“And what do you mean save my ass? I was just fine until you wandered in yelling ‘Ero-Sennin Ero-Sennin’ like some attention depraved lunatic…keep acting like that and people are going to think that you are gay.”  

“Whattt?! No one here thinks I’m gay.” He placed the tea cup down and glared at me.

“I said keep acting like that and they will. Don’t you listen when I speak?” I gulped down my cup of sake, relishing the feeling as it slid down the back of my throat.

“Yeah…but…” He trailed off, a confused look in his eye. Poor kid, I sort of pity whatever woman that becomes his wife.

“Going around yelling for another man like that…what’s worse is that your wrongly calling me ‘Ero-Sennin’ when it should be Jiraiya-Sensei…or just Sensei…or how about-”

“Shut up Ero-Sennin.”

I chuckled.

Things went quiet for the next couple of minutes with Naruto slurping up his bowel of Ramen and me drinking my Sake. I glanced around the little stand seeing a few familiar faces amongst a sea of strangers.

You leave for a few years and everything always changes.

Outside, I caught a glimpse of blonde. A tall, blonde woman with her hair pulled low in two wearing a low cut shirt under a deep green kimono top.

And some things don’t change at all.

“Hey Naruto.” I nudged the kid and cringed at his face. It was stuffed full of noodles. So stuffed it was actually leaking out the side of his mouth and down his chin. “I’ll uh…catch you later okay.” I stood up and patted his shoulder. “Thanks for the drink kid.”

“Whuummmmmm!!” I heard him mumble.

“What was that?” I asked over my shoulder, scanning the crowd for the blonde.

“Mmmmmmhhmmuunnmmm!”

“Sorry kid, I gotta go.” I snickered as I merged in with the crowd.

I did tell him to stop stuffing his face.

I followed the crowd for awhile until I met up with the blonde women again; she was seated under an umbrella table sipping some sort of liquid with a young black haired girl at her side.

“Tsunade!” I called out, a grin on my face. “You look exactly the same!”

“Jiraiya?” Her golden eyes opened wide. “Is that you?” She placed the cup down to scrutinize me.

“One and only.” I took a seat in front of her. “Now how is it possible that I haven’t seen you in over ten years and you look exactly the same?” 

“Lady Tsunade?” The young black haired woman shifted.

“Oh Shizune, this is Jiraiya.” Tsunade nodded at me.

“The Legendary Toad Sage?” She asked, awestruck.

“That’s the one.” Tsunade half smirked. “So what are you in town for now Jiraiya? It’s been…awhile. What brought you back?”

I smiled and looked around at the beautiful village named Konaha. Nothing like it anywhere else. I looked back at Tsunade and sighed. “Home is home Tsunade. You should know that.”

“So you mean to say you’re not doing ‘research’?” She smiled slyly at me, the nerve of her. She never changes.

“I’m always doing research! A good author is always on the lookout for inspiration.”

“Huh…so you’re here to work on your latest series.” She stated, sipping her drink.

I shrugged absently. I’m not going to deny it; writing is my job after all.

“Foreign women not as inviting as they once were?” She had a devilish gleam in her eyes.

“They’re good…kinder than the women here…Konaha women are as feisty as ever I see.” I watched a young girl; no older than fifteen punch a young boy in the face for hitting on her.

Tsunade chuckled quietly. “That’s why you came back? You miss getting beat up for being a lecher? You sick pervert.”

I laughed heartily. Boy did I miss this place. “Don’t worry Tsunade, your still one of my biggest inspirations.”

She smiled ruefully at me.

It was kind of disturbing.

“Hitting on your Hokage is wrong Jiraiya.” She stated and stood up, smiling down at me with an evil gleam in her shinning eyes.

Yeah. I missed this place.

I watched as she and Shizune walked away, merging in with the crowd.

Tsunade became Hokage. So the rumors were true then.

I took a sweeping look at the people around me; walking, laughing, eating and drinking. They were all happy, relaxed. She did an excellent job, cleaned up the remains and secured the village after the incident. Guess she really doesn’t need my help anymore does she?

I sighed and stood up, there was no use staying here.

I began walking to the old bridge just for old times’ sake.

I had a feeling I’d meet up with an old friend.

And I was right.

“Hey Kakashi.” I smirked. “Enjoying the new volumes?”

Kakashi looked up from my latest issue of the Icha Icha series and smiled. “Hello Jiraiya.” He closed the book and waved.

I laughed and hoped up beside him, enjoying the view.

“What do you think? One of my greatest works yet, right?” I mussed and chuckled.

“Every book you write is fantastic Jiraiya; an artistic masterpiece of sorts.”

I laughed. “True true.”

“So since you’re here I take it that means Naruto is back as well?”

“Yup.”

“He the same as always or has he grown up some?”

I shrugged. “The kids brilliant.”

Kakashi eyed me. “Brilliant?”

“Yes.”

“As in brilliant like a light bulb?”

“Uh I suppose so…?”

“As in it flickers on and off in brilliant flashes once in awhile then just stops working altogether until you bang it a few times against the table top?”

“No Kakashi. Not at all that sort of brilliant.”

“Then what kind of brilliance are you talking about?”

“My kind.”

He sputtered at me. “Y-You’re interested in guys Jiraiya?! Why I never knew…never suspected….” He inched away from me a bit.

“What?!”

“Hey if you’re gay it’s okay.”

“WHAT?!”

“It’s okay to be gay Jiraiya…nothing wrong with it at all…”

“WHAT?!?!”

“Though it leaves me to wonder how you write such marvelous works of art…” He twirled the book in his hands and began inspecting it as though it would suddenly have all the answers to life magically appear in it.

“I’m not gay.”

“It’s none of my business. Really.”

“I’m not gay Kakashi.”

“It’s okay to be gay. Some men are like that.”

“I like women.”

“So your bi?” He glanced at me.

“What?”

“You’re bisexual Jiraiya? Well that does explain Orochimaru…”

“What do you mean?”

“Well you have been following him around on the pretense of surveying and monitoring him…”

“I’m straight.”

“Its-”

“Shu-”

“HAHA ERO-SENNIN! HE THINKS YOUR GAY!” I whirled around to see Naruto’s feet in my face.

“Shut up Naruto.” I glared daggers at his head.

“Hehe…okay okay…Kaka-Sempai I can assure you that Ero-Sennin here is not gay in the least.” He jumped down laughing. “Not after what I’ve seen him do…”

I deadpanned at my apprentice. Way to clear my name Naruto. Thanks buddy. Nice to know you have my back.

“Hello to you to Naruto.” Kakashi smiled the same old smile at the blonde youth.

“Hey Sensei!” He yelled and laughed.

“You sure have grown haven’t you?”

Naruto looked down at his body and shrugged. “Guess I have…”

He really is a simpleton; Naruto that is.

I sighed and leaned forward on my hand. What to do now I don’t know. I glanced to my right and saw the bath houses.

Bingo.

“So, catch up with you two later okay.” I snickered and began walking to the bathhouses.

“Ero-Sennin! You going to do some more research?!” I heard Naruto yell after me.

Damn that kid. Damn that kid to hell. I jumped behind the nearest tree and sighed. There goes my idea to kill some time. I glanced over to see Naruto being lectured by Kakashi, one of my best, most loyal fans.

Kakashi.

I smirked as I saw him pull out Icha Icha Paradise and flip open to the back and pointed at several sentences for Naruto to read.  

Oh Kakashi, I tried the same thing with him and it took me over a week to explain to him why I write the way I do.

I never even got to the point of the conversation.

I shook my head and glanced back at the bathhouses to see some beautiful ladies giggling as they walked in.

Oh yeah, plan back in action.

I casually walked out from behind the trees and strode into the bathhouses area, sighing as the familiar feeling of steam washed up against me.

I love these places. Though admittedly the ones in the mountains are better, they are naturally formed after all. Anyways I walked in and immediately spotted a red head with the most beautiful figure yet.

I almost drooled.

Okay so I did a little bit.

She was wearing just the white towel wrapped around her lithe frame and around her neck her long red hair was flowing down her back and over her shoulders. Her pretty full face was a bit puffy and red from the springs. But that didn’t take away from her radiance. Not in the least.

“Hello Miss.” I grinned and walked over to her, immediately falling in step with her.

“Uh…” She looked at me and smiled. “What do you want Ojii-San? Are you lost or something?” Suddenly, her beauty shot tenfold.

“Well I was wondering…” I placed my right hand on her shoulder, blushing a bit. “You’re so beautiful and I was looking for inspiration and well…” My hand ghosted down her shoulder. “I think it was fate-”

“PERV!” She shrieked and slapped me.

“No no you’r-”

“Oh my! YOU!” She pointed at me, gaining that attention of everyone around. “I KNOW WHO YOU ARE! YOU’RE THAT ERO-SENNIN NARUTO’S ALWAYS SCREAMNING ABOUT!”

Then all hell broke loose.

“Jiraiya! You old perv! Get out of here!” A blonde haired beauty screamed and through her bath bassoon as me.

“No no you got it wrong ladies!” I tried to explain, scratching the back of my head.

“WE DON’T CARE!”

Then I got kicked out.

Again.

“Ahhh…Konaha women get feistier every time I visit.” I sighed dreamily and lay back on the grass where I landed.

I remained there for awhile, a few hours perhaps till the sun fell low and the temperature dropped a few degrees. It was nice, the clouds changed color to a deep indigo and the sky held multiple hues and the sounds of nature became alive. It was something one can only experience when they just stop. Stop moving, thinking, acting. When one just breathes. Taking in the beauty that surrounds them and enjoying the life they’ve got.

Stopping to smell the roses if one will.

It also helped that when they threw me out, I landed on my head.

So I lay there, drifting off once in awhile and dreaming then waking up and staring up into the sky. Watching as the birds flew over and the squirrels jumped from tree to tree and the clouds drifted in the air. It was peaceful.

That was until a certain loud mouth blonde decided to come find me.

“ERO-SENNIN! WHERE ARE YOU?!” His voice rang through the trees, disturbing the peace. So there he came, bounding out of the trees and onto the ground beside me.

Honestly. I do wonder if I ever taught this kid.

I closed my eyes, hoping that if I didn’t acknowledge him he’d go away.

“Ero-Sennin! Where’ve you been?”

Ignore.

“They’ve been looking for you.”

Ignore.

“The ah…Grandma Hokage’s looking for you.” He mumbled playing with a blade of grass.

That caught my attention.

“Tsunade’s looking for me?”

“Yeah…” He sounded dejected.

“So you met her already huh?” I sat up and stretched, yawning. I meant for him to meet Tsunade, I just got caught up in things. Like napping.

“Yeah, I liked the Third better.” He sulked.

I chucked. “Why?” I know where this is going.

He sighed and flopped back onto the ground. “She yelled at me and called me an…a….” His face contorted as he tried to explain.

Shows how much he uses his brain really.

“A…in…inso…insuf…ino…”

“Insolent brat?”

“YES!” He shot up in excitement then scowled. “I’m not an insolent brat!”

I sighed. “What did you do Naruto?” Time for another talk.

He shrugged and turned to the side. “So I walk into the Hokage’s office right? Not expecting to see her again…”

“Well you really didn’t think you’d see the Third did you?”

“No.” He answered quickly. Poor kid, he really did like the Third. “Well I go in to see if it’s really her then she starts yelling at me. I didn’t even say hello.”

I shook my head and patted his back. “Naruto, did you just walk in?”

He nodded.

“Without knocking?”

Nod.

“Did you talk to her respectively?”

Silence.

I snorted. “How about some Ramen?”

“YES! THIS TIME YOU’RE PAYING!” He yelled and darted down the road ahead of me.

That kid. I shook my head and sneezed.

He’ll be the death of me.

I strolled down the dusty path he left and eventually made it into the main part of town. It was evening, late evening, and they had lit the lanterns for light and most of the little shops had placed out chairs and tables for playing cards and shogi. 

I spotted the hyper blonde at Ichiraku’s eating Ramen and sighed. I really didn’t want to go there. I would much rather sit down and play a nice game of Shoji with some of the-

“Jiraiya! Is that you?” I turned to my side and saw Asuma sitting at one of the tables outside.

“Hey Asuma.” I smiled and walked over to him. “It’s been awhile.”

“Yeah it has. So what are you doing back in town?” He puffed a breath of his cigarette and leaned back.

I sighed and glanced at Naruto eating across the street. “Oh you know, things happen, things need to be done, and home starts calling your name like a siren louder and louder as time moves on.”

 He nodded, crossing his legs and scratching the back of his head. “Sit down?” He asked.

“What?”

“Take a seat, play a game of Shoji with me?”

I glanced at him then took a seat across from him.

“We never did hang out much when you were actually in the village did we?” He mumbled, setting up the game.

“Guess not.” I laughed, watching his face for a reaction.

“Made one reputation for yourself though.” He mussed, outing his cigarette on the table. “Quite frankly I’m kind a jealous of Naruto.” He glanced at the spiky blonde stuffing his face.

“Oh?”

“Yeah.” He nodded absently, staring up at the late evening sky above.

“Getting to train under one of the most famous ninja’s of all time? Lucky brat.” He chuckled.

“Well if you’re so interested I can train you.” I grinned, making the first move on the board.

That sent him over the edge laughing. “Ahhh I’m too old for that.” He wiped the tears from his eyes.

“Oh don’t say that.” I chortled. “It’s never too old to learn.”

“Hey Asuma. Jiraiya.” I looked up to see a young man standing up in front of us.

“Hey Shikamaru.” Asuma nodded. “You know him?” He glanced at me and nodded.

“Yeah, who doesn’t know the Legendary Toad Sage?” He yawned. “So since Jiraiya’s playing Shoji with you does that mean I get to go home early now?” He drawled.

“Oh, did I interrupt a game to be?” I stood and fixed my clothing. “Go ahead and take my place Shikamaru.”

“Oh, no come on Jiraiya, at this rate I’ll be as old as you when we finally have a good old conversation.” Asuma laughed.

“Well sorry, but Naruto’s waiting and well…he’s waiting.”

Asuma nodded then turned to Shikamaru. “Well sit down and play.”

I walked away from the two now playing Shoji and into Icharaku’s just in time to see Naruto down an entire bowl in one gulp. “Naruto, what do you want?” He choked when I spoke.

“Ero-Sennin!” He wiped some stray drool off the corners of his mouth.

Disgusting kid. It’s a wonder how he gets though life.

“Oh come on Naruto. How many times have I told you to not talk with your mouth full?” I took the seat beside him and leaned on my elbow. “So what did Tsunade want with me?”

A confused glaze came over his eyes as he stuffed another mouth full of noodles in his face. I watched as he slurped it up before burping and rubbing his stomach. “You mean you didn’t go see her? I thought that’s where you went before coming here.”

“I met up with Asuma.”

“Ohh…well I don’t know. It’s not like she was happy to tell me anything in the first place.” He pouted.

I sighed. If I know Tsunade, which I do, she wants to assign me a gennin team to train before I leave again. Making sure that their young and full of life, the types that are clingy and bursting with thirst to learn; forcing me to stay longer and longer that way I can’t leave to see other villages.

I stand up and stretch.

“Where ya going Ero-Sennin?” Naruto asked around another mouthful. “To see Granny?”

I nod, patting him on the shoulder and walking out. Tsunade will never learn that I will never fall for her tricks by trying to make me abandon my love of writing. What I do is in name of my work-my art. I’m not a pervert or some sort of lecher. I do extensive research before I write; which is what all great authors should do before even thinking of putting pen to paper.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a beautiful, buxom brunette walk out of the tea house wearing a strikingly bright orange kimono falling off her left shoulder.

Heh heh heh…I think I just found the inspiration for my next novel…Icha Icha Tea House anyone?

Ero-Sennin Style _~_ End


End file.
